Slinwey's Paranormal Investigation Services
Disclaimer: Warning. Scary story, or at least, it should be if I did it right.
Slinwey: “Hello, I’m Slinwey. You’ve contacted the Para-”
Caller: “Help! There’s a creature outside my house.”
Slinwey: “-normal Investigation Services. Please state your name, date, and describe the paranormal experience you are calling about.”
Caller: “Oh, um. I’m Clarissa. It’s the 23rd of January, 2157. And like I said, there is a monster standing just outside my house, looking in through the window.”
Slinwey: “Interesting, that’s the 3rd one today. What time is it, Clarissa?”
Caller: “Does that really matt-”
The caller is interrupted by a high-pitched beep coming from the Slinwey’s end of the line
Slinwey: “Can you describe the entity?”
Caller: “I couldn’t get a good look at it before I hid in the bathroom.”
Slinwey: “Does it appear to be humanoid in shape, or is it quadrupedal?”
Caller: “I guess it was vaguely humanoid, but it had too many arms and legs.”
Slinwey: “What color are it’s mandibles?”
Caller: “What? I ran away as soon as I saw it. I barely saw anything, so I don’t know about any mandibles.’”
There is a loud beep from Slinwey’s line.
Slinwey: “Hmm. Quite the report. My diagnosis is… you have a paranormal entity in your vicinity.”
Caller (angrily): “I already knew that! What do I do about it?”
Slinwey: “Pick up the red stapler from the counter.”
Caller (confused): “I’m in the bathroom, I don’t have a red…”
Slinwey: “Clip the top of your left ear to the bottom of the earlobe, closing your ear.”
Caller: “Wait a minute, how did you know I had a-”
Slinwey: “Insert the triangle-shaped USB drive from the toilet bowl into the small opening remaining in your closed left ear.”
*Shatter*
Caller: “I think that was the window! It’s in my house!”
Slinwey: “If you would like to hear the instructions again, press 1. If you would like to-”
Caller: “Okay, okay! I’ll do it.”
*Clip*
Caller: “Agh!”
*Click*
Caller: “Ugh, I stapled my left ear closed and inserted the USB drive into it. What do I do now?”
*Footsteps approach the bathroom door outside*
Slinwey: “Please hold, I am receiving another call.”
Caller (whispering): “No! Don’t leave me. I need your help. It’s right outside the door!”
*The beep of a button pressed on Slinwey’s side of the call.*
Slinwey: “Hello, I’m Slinwey. You’ve contacted the Paranormal Investigation Services. Please state your name, date, and describe the paranormal experience you are calling about.”
Strangely, Clarissa can still hear Slinwey’s voice over the line, even though she can’t hear the new client. But she can see that her phone is muted, so that her voice doesn’t carry over to Slinwey.
Slinwey: “Interesting, that’s the 4th one today. What time is it, Clarissa?”
Clarissa: “Oh um. It’s 8 o’clo-” Then she remembers that Slinwey can’t hear her.
She can see the shadow of the creature on the floor underneath the door, passing through the hallway. The shadow passes, left, then right, then left, then left. She hears the sounds of doors being slammed open, shutters flung to the ground, windows cracking as they are pushed open with too much force. The shadow under the door indicates that it is passing by in the hallway. Left, then right, then left, then it stops right in front of the door.
She stands there, hoping for the being to move. But it just stands there. Then she can hear the creaking of wood as the creature slowly puts its weight against the door. The plank bends and bulges, the hinges begin to pop and the wood around them splinters. It’s pushing the door open. The door doesn’t slide along the hinges, it moves straight into the room as baseball bat-sized chitinous insect legs grip around the door frame, pushing the entity into the bathroom.
Clarissa screams. Her phone beeps and she can see that she is no longer muted.
Slinwey: “Can you describe the entity?”
Clarissa can’t think straight anymore. The horrible creature is like a giant insect.
Clarissa: “It’s like a giant ant or spider, chitin and claws.”
Slinwey: “Does it appear to be humanoid in shape, or is it quadrupedal?”
Clarissa: “It’s not humanoid in the slightest. It’s got ten legs-no, eight legs. Those two are mandibles, not legs. What do I do, it’s going to eat-”
Slinwey: “What color are it’s mandibles?”
Clarissa (tears coming from her eyes): “Dark blue with black spots. Is it going to hurt me?”
There is a loud beep from the phone, muting her so that Slinwey doesn’t have to hear the sound of Clarissa’s bones crunching.
Slinwey: “Hmm. Quite the report. My diagnosis is… you have a paranormal entity in your vicinity.”